This story may or may not be based on true events. If it is based on true events, the names have been changed to protect the guilty. Especially the guilty who were given a pardon for being allegedly innocent. “The Dastardly Doctor Ouchie” can be disturbing, so please read with caution.
Beginning
In the beginning, Doctor Ouchie was given the opportunity to lead the government’s scientific response to a major pandemic. But Ouchie didn’t like that the president yelled at him, so he decided to hold a grudge against the president and teach him a lesson by undermining him. All of a sudden, a scientist of probably more than forty years was acting like a child of 5 years.
Opportunity
Using the major pandemic as a tool to cheat in the next presidential election and oust the mean president who yelled at him, Doctor Ouchie had an opportunity to truly lead the government response. So, Ouchie scheduled appearances on as many television networks as possible. It was a great opportunity to tell everybody how smart he was.
Good Advice?
Doctor Ouchie had a lot of good scientific advice to share with anyone who would listen. He encouraged everyone to wear masks and stay six feet from other people. And, he thought it was a great idea for everybody to stay at home away from other people. Unfortunately, none of his ideas worked. But, he defended them steadfastly.
Ouchie’s decisions caused mass issues with children. They were severely affected by masks, loneliness and poor at home education. But, Ouchie was in charge.
Doctor Ouchie incentivized hospitals to kill patients. And, he took medications that worked against the virus off the market. To Ouchie, a vaccine was the only answer. Even though he knew the vaccine wasn’t safe.
Vaccine
Doctor Ouchie was very excited about the pandemic vaccine. So much so, that he wanted every human to be vaccinated. It didn’t matter to Ouchie that the vaccine didn’t prevent the spread of the pandemic. And, it didn’t matter that the vaccine caused heart problems, blood clots and reproductive issues. To Ouchie, those were acceptable side effects of mass vaccinations.
When people were hesitating to get the vaccine, Doctor Ouchie and his new presidential buddy decided to force the issue. If a military member refused the vaccine, they were discharged. And, if a person refused the vaccine, they could be fired from their job.
Who Dunnit?
Doctor Ouchie was secretly involved in the creation of the pandemic. And, Ouchie also had something to do with the leak of the pandemic across the globe. But, Ouchie refuses to admit this. Ouchie created a pandemic, participated in the creation of a vaccine, manipulated people to do a bunch of things they wouldn’t ordinarily do, and put an experimental vaccine into their bodies.
Mass Murder
Doctor Ouchie was awarded a pardon from his new presidential buddy. I’m not sure why he needs a pardon if everything he did was on the up and up. Anyway, the end result of Ouchie’s leadership on the pandemic is that he murdered more people than Nazi Germany, World War II and the Civil War. In fact, he made September 11th look like child’s play.
Epilogue
Doctor Ouchie is not a hero. Ouchie is a villain. And, the world knows that now that he accepted a pardon. You don’t need a pardon if you didn’t do anything wrong. Ouchie is a fake. He caused the pandemic, then he misled people every step of the way. He might not have to answer in this life, but he will have to answer to his maker. That’s not going to go well.